I was looking through my plethora of archived stuff from days of internet past, and I came across an old sff.net post I found particularly funny circling around horror movie survival. In the spirit of keeping such things alive, I wanted to share it and keep it alive. As such I present to you Mark Simmons guide to surviving a Horror Movie. Chapter 1...tha basics. THE BASICS 1) DO NOT go into the dark room. Never, EVER go IN/OUT there (THERE also being the attic, closet, barn, basement, dark alley, dark anywhere else, the all-concealing shadows, the woods or the lake). 2) Even though you're really sure that the monster is dead, DO NOT bend over it or kneel beside it "to make sure." Keep hacking at it until it is in pieces small enough to cease being a threat to you. If you've shot it, shoot it again--in the head, and remember to shoot until it stops moving. Then keep shooting until you run out of ammo. Then reload and shoot it some more. Then set it